Tuesday, January 8
This Feeling In My Bones.

Listening to Vienna by The Fray

I just have a sad feeling and it sinks into my bones and all my vital organs. There's a pit in my stomach, and I don't like it one bit. I had a dream last night, and it was terrible. I was being chased through a dark wood, and the trees came to life and started grabbing at me, trying to hold me still hitting me against the forest floor and pinning me there. There was an orange poison-like substance dripping from the oddly sharp ends of the branches and they were stabbing into my skin. My arms, my legs, all being torn apart by these toxic branches. My body went numb and the leaves began to fall over my body. Months passed it seemed, my body being buried, still alive. The animals had torn all my flesh from my bones, but I still lived, and still bled. Every week my flesh would grow back, like some odd curse, dooming to be torn apart over and over again. And then, a man, whom I had taken to be my hero, a savior if you will tore the roots from my body, freeing me. Only to be slammed against a tree and, for a lighter term, violated. Viciously violated. He stabbed me in the heart, and in the eyes and took his leave. Letting the forest engulf me again, after getting his fill. And It was all so terrible. This dream, it must have a reason. I mean, sure past experiences are shown here, sort of.

People here don't know about what some people in Georgia know. And I keep getting this feeling that it was to, as soon as I was finally over it, remind me of that night.


I feel safe with Max, so why do I still get the feeling that someone is after me?

5:44 PM

10 Comments:

  • Bonnie, I hate to say it, since there's obviously a lot about you that I don't know, but perhaps you would sleep easier if you were more honest.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 8, 2008 at 8:05 PM  

  • Well, stranger, I have recently been being more honest. It takes a lot, and I admitted a lot of things to people. Unfortunately, the only case of honesty that would play into this situation, is not lying to people when they ask what this is about. I have had a lot of things happen to me, and stranger, you probably don't know too much about you, but cases of the general, being more honest would help me sleep better. In a world of liars, wouldn't it help us all?

    By Blogger Bomber, at January 8, 2008 at 11:52 PM  

  • **"you probably don't know much about you,"

    Although that too may be more true than I will ever know the last "you" in that fragment, was meant to be a "me".

    By Blogger Bomber, at January 8, 2008 at 11:53 PM  

  • It's good to hear that you've been being more honest. I wouldn't know, because I haven't seen much of you in a while. I support your efforts in every way.

    As far as lying about whatever this situation is, it sounds to me as though it's less of a case of lying than it is a case of just trying to keep something private, and there's nothing wrong with that unless keeping it private is hurting you.

    I know, and already stated, that there is a lot about you that I don't know, and I won't claim to understand you because that would be terribly arrogant. I therefore have no right to criticize you. But there are somethings about you that I do know. I do know that you're a decent all around person and that you're very talented. But I also know that when I was around you I often got the distinct feeling of being lied to, a feeling that I trust very much. I don't want to lecture you or anything, and I have nothing but good intentions to help you be a happier person when I say that being honest would help you. But, as you say, you're working on doing just that, and I applaud you for it.

    By now it's probably pretty obvious who I am, and I won't deny it if you'd like to know.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 9, 2008 at 10:01 AM  

  • Although I am pretty sure I know who you are, I won't ask. When something is said anonymously, there should be no question as to who it is. You, if you are who I think you are, had a confrontation with me about my...lying for lack of better, and more mild wording. And I told you many things that day. So if you are who I think you are, there was really, no need for your first comment about honesty. That is, if it is you that I had the conversation with.

    By Blogger Bomber, at January 9, 2008 at 1:15 PM  

  • No, no, no. I have to put my name now so that you don't blame the wrong person. And I want to be sure that you know that I did not post anonymously in the first place in an attempt to hide who I am, because I'm not like that, but rather to be taken seriously, because I was afraid that maybe you would not if you knew who I was.

    Now that I've got your attention, I just need to emphasize that I'm not trying to attack you at all. Please don't think that I'm trying to lecture or criticize you. And no, I never would have posted that comment in the first place if we had had a conversation, but my point is that we never did. I was told that you really wanted to talk to me after that little situation happened, but it never happened. In fact, it was as though you'd begun to avoid me. Now, I didn't understand this at all. I am sure you had a good reason for everything you did but you never bothered to tell me, and that disturbed me.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 9, 2008 at 4:46 PM  

  • Also I should probably apologize for even bringing this up when you're obviously going through a painful time right now. I didn't mean for it to sound agressive. It was honest advice.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 9, 2008 at 4:55 PM  

  • That's fine, and understandable.

    I did want to talk to you, but I hate making such confrontations in person. I didn't think it was you, wow. I thought it was someone else, but then again, the grammar of your posts was too well constructed to have been who I though it was. I think. I did avoid you, in a way I suppose. Mainly because, I didn't want to have a face to face discussion about it, because, to be quite frank, I am a chicken shit. XD


    I'm not going through a hard time. I was, a while ago. And I had a dream, that brought back some painful memories. Lately, actually, other than some family issues I'm doing quite well.

    By Blogger Bomber, at January 9, 2008 at 5:18 PM  

  • Oh, I'm glad to hear that you're doing well right now, and that you don't seem to be angry with me for confronting you like this. I don't blame you at all for avoiding talking to me about it because I know that I can seem a little harsh sometimes, but I wasn't going to yell at you or anything. XD But thanks for saying that.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at January 9, 2008 at 5:42 PM  

  • Yeah, I don't get angry that often over such confrontations. Well, unless I am humiliated, which isn't/ wasn't the case here. XD

    By Blogger Bomber, at January 9, 2008 at 6:19 PM  

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About Me

I'm Bonnie. I'm a lover and a fighter. I have trust issues. I love to have fun. I am not quite up to par in anything. Oh, well. I'll try /almost/ anything at least once. I can't swim well. I love music. I love the smell of books. I am green. I'm in love. I play video games, like all the time. I'm addicted to the computer. I love my friends. I'm not a good person. I lie, and I am way too stubborn. I don't think before I speak. I actually DO care about Darfur. I want to help people. I love life. I have problems, and I know that. I won't tell you I understand if I don't. Life is hard, but people can make it easier. I believe that if we all did one good deed a day, everyone's lives would be easier. I want to make changes in the world for good. I can take you to another place, and point of view without meaning to. I do value the opinions of others. What you think about me DOES make a difference. I love animals. I love one-of-a-kind jewelry. I'm easy to please, and easy to piss off. Get to know me. Oh, and I'm Jewish. I know who I am. You don't need to tell me. I'm not a good person, I constantly cut down everything other people say, I have an arrogant air to me, and I think I know everything. I'm trying to change. So, please, let me take it a day at a time, and stop telling me how terrible I am. I can't take it anymore. K THANKS BYE.