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Monday, May 19
When I send all my doubts and demons on their way...So, I've decided that I am no longer letting people tell me what I can and can not do. Someone told me I wouldn't be able to pull of getting NYSSMA together on the day it was. I did. and even though I didn't get the score I would have liked to get, I still did it. Rather than letting it go, I did what I said I would do. And god damn, I will again. I want so many things, and up until recently, I've really just gotten them without working for them. Well the things I want now, are a bit harder to obtain, but I intend to get them.
Someone once said to me, that once you realize life is hard, everything seems easier, and although I may not agree to the fullest extent, I do agree a bit.
I am hurt, emotionally, what has happened has been a blow to my heart no doubt, but fuck it. I can't live in a "Philadelphia" forever.
I will learn it. I will get in. I won't take no for an answer. =]
And, as for him dating someone, I'm happy for him. I care about him, I always will, but I'm not going to be upset that he's moving on. I am too. =D12:09 AM |  
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Tuesday, May 6
I don't know what you could possibly expect under this condition.So, y'all already know what happened. There were reasons I suppose, ones that made sense. Well, I feel, even knowing such, upset, and I am actually having a hard time. He made the world light up, he made everything better. I trusted him like I have never trusted anyone, and I guess, I just didn't expect it. I said what I said to him, hoping to work out what had been going on, but realistically, I just wasn't making him as happy as he was making me.
And even though for a while it will take some time, I will be okay. Hearts are strong, as strong as you want them to be. And this isn't the first time it's happened by any means. I was okay before I met him, and now that we are done with this chapter in our lives, I will take what I have learned and be better than before.
Thank you for all you have done, and I mean that in the most sincere manner one could mean it. You have helped me in more ways than can be counted.
I seem to have a lot going on. Not that I am saying, oh woe is me, listen to my problems, but if I seem down, it may not be just him. There are things that even he doesn't know, things I wouldn't tell anyone, because with what has happened to me in the past, there is way I can trust anyone 100%, although some one, does have a good 99% in them.
Things that don't make sense, will become clear at some point, but perhaps it take a bit of rain to wash the paint away.
"Still we bumble our way
through life's crazy labyrinth.
Barely knowing left from right
nor right from wrong.
And the best that we can do
is hope a blue bird
will sing his song...
as we stumble along."
-The Drowsy Chaperone-11:17 PM |
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Sunday, May 4
Currently listening to See I'm Smiling from The Last 5 Years
So, today Maxwell broke up with me, and I'm okay. I mean, it's not something I wanted to happen. I would have liked to work things out, but unfortunately I guess he didn't feel the same way. "Maybe we should take a break" means basically that we should stop dating in a nice way. I think I was going to do it eventually. But, he better believe that it's going to be more than a short break. I know that sounds bad, but he could have wanted to work things out, and the way he ended it, seemed like he didn't want to. I mean, yes I am love him, but it's amazing how fast you can fall out of love.
I still care, and I'm still here, but not the same way that I have been before.11:11 PM |
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Tuesday, April 29
A moderately short rant. :3So, it has come to my attention that people have been talking of my absence from school yesterday, and probably my absence to come today. My family has had a family emergency. One that required my mother to make a trip down to Georgia, Saturday night. I had to stay home to tend to certain things here. Now, if you feel like you still must know more as to why I haven't been in school, you can message me, or call my house line. I will be in school Wednesday, so I suppose you can ask me then too. Now, I will more than happily tell you if you ask, I have no reason not to, but it is something that I have chosen not to write out on the internet in detail.
Also, I have heard some people saying that I am not fit for certain positions I may try and get next year. And although your concerns are valid, I ask that you please get the entire story before telling other people what you "know", because unless I have told you myself, you may have been terribly misinformed. I still plan to run for these positions, because hopefully people who will consider me fit, will have taken the time to ask about the reasons I miss school. Lately, it has been of legitimate reason. :3
Another note, I would like to extend an apology to all those people who I may have offended in the past with things I have said or done. Most things I do are not to be taken in a way in which can be seen as offensive. If I know that I have offended you, I have already contacted you, or at least try to. I am trying to make my self a better person, so please, tell me what I can do to make that happen. Now seeing that this is a personal journey, all comments as to how I can change should be messaged, unless you feel that everyone must read what you have to say, in which case, more power to you.
I had a long discussion with a very good friend today. And it goes without saying that we are all currently living a very odd time in our lives. One in which we all have the need/ feel the need to say things we don't necessarily mean. Myself included. I am going to work on that too.
So, now with all this said, feel free to address me about anything I may have missed, or you feel that I should have addressed.
Oh, and I realize that posting these things on the internet for all to see is not the most intelligent way to get my thoughts out, but it is much easier for me to address a large audience this way. It also gives one the option to read, or not. Where as in face to face, you don't have much of a choice without being rude.
With all this said. Sleep well. Have a good day/night. And I will see most of you Wednesday.1:44 AM |
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Sunday, April 27
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth. The minor fall, and the major lift.Lyrics: Rufus Wainwright - Hallelujah I’ve heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don’t really care for music, do you?
It goes like this
The fourth, the fifth
The minor fall, the major lift
The baffled king composing Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Your faith was strong but you needed proof
You saw her bathing on the roof
Her beauty
in the moonlight
overthrew you
She tied you
To a kitchen chair
She broke your throne,
she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Maybe I’ve been here before
I know this room, I’ve walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew you
I’ve seen your flag on the marble arch
love is not a victory march
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah There was a time you’d let me know
What’s real and going on below
But now you never show it to me do you?
Remember when I moved in you?
The holy dark was moving too
And every breath we drew was hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah Maybe there’s a God above
And all I ever learned from love
Was how to shoot at someone who outdrew you
It’s not a cry you can hear at night
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light
It’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah
Hallelujah, Hallelujah 11:13 AM |
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